I never really know how to answer the famous question “How are you doing?”.  I sometimes wonder if I should share my true feelings.  For most people, they would probably just stare in shock of my response.  It is a roller coaster!  Each day I have a new battle to fight.  Right now, I am doing awesome.  If you asked me this morning, I would have shared a different response.  We see so many specialist.  It is hard to explain the anxiety of waiting for test results.  Not knowing if your baby can hear or see, or if his heart is healing properly!  Every runny nose, sneeze, or cough puts me on high alert.

Have you ever heard or said that there are power in your words?  Seriously!  There are power in your words!  I never used to be “politically” correct.  I remember thinking what nonsense it was to have to be politically correct.  Now, being “politically” correct has a different meaning.  Our society has abused certain words and now they have negative meanings; they are frequently used to degrade others.  My baby is not “retarded” or “handicapped”.  These words are like a knife to a mother’s heart. Oliver is developmentally delayed.  Unfortunately, Oliver will have many obstacles to overcome in his future.  He will do everything other babies can do, but he is just a little behind his “average” peers.  Please, listen to yourself and others.  You may find yourself using these words without even realizing it.  And think about the context you use them in.  Unfortunately, I am the first to admit that I was guilty of this prior to to being a mom of a child diagnosed with Down syndrome.  Know this- this is not about me or my feelings.  My feelings will be hurt and I will get over it.  This is about a sweet boy.  I do not want him being “labeled” with something that makes him feel like he is not good enough, smart enough, and/or strong enough.  He is more than enough!

This morning I was getting ready for church when the song “All of Me” by Matt Hammitt began to play.  My sister-in-law, Rachel, shared this song with me when I was pregnant with Oliver.  We had recently discovered the Panorama test results had come back as positive for Down syndrome and the echo of his heart showed he had tetralogy of fallot.  This song literally brought me to my knees!  I had all these emotions which included guilt and fear, but had no idea how to express them!

The lyrics to All of Me by Matt Hammitt

Afraid to love
Something that could break
Could I move on
If you were torn away?
And I’m so close to what I can’t control
I can’t give you half my heart
And pray He makes you whole

(Chorus)
You’re gonna have all of me 
You’re gonna have all of me
‘Cause you’re worth every falling tear
You’re worth facing any fear
You’re gonna know all my love
Even if it’s not enough
Enough to mend our broken hearts
But giving you all of me is where I’ll start

I won’t let sadness steal you from my arms
I won’t let pain keep you from my heart
I’ll trade the fear of all that I could lose
For every moment I share with you

Chorus

Heaven brought you to this moment, it’s too wonderful to speak
You’re worth all of me, you’re worth all of me
So let me recklessly love you, even if I bleed
You’re worth all of me, you’re worth all of me

Chorus (X2)

It’s where I’ll start



Oh my goodness, these words still make me cry!  I feel so foolish thinking back to how afraid of what was to come!  The road traveled has been scary at times.  But, the good times have been worth every scary moment!  Luke, Ethan, Charlotte, and I agree.  Oliver is one of the best things to happen to our family.  He brings so much joy and laughter into our home and family.