The beginning of December is approaching fast!  The day we received the phone call from our doctor was a day I will never forget.  I will not forget her tone, her sympathy, or her support when she told us the test results were positive for Down syndrome.  I remember the shaking and the wanting to cry, but the shock I was experiencing would not allow my tears to flow!  I was at the hospital holding my new niece for the very first time when I received the news.  Holding her was emotionally hard enough because my sister and I were due to have a baby one day apart, but I lost my baby boy when I was 12 weeks pregnant.  Then I received the test results for Oliver while holding this sweet baby girl that was absolutely perfect!  When I got off the phone, my sister and my mother knew something was wrong.  They asked me, but I couldn’t answer.  I went to the restroom to be alone and to try to process this information.  After a few minutes, I walked out and shared with them that there was a greater than 99% chance that my baby would have Down syndrome.  My mother cried and my sister had a blank stare.  I remember being so afraid of what my husband would say after I told him what I had just discovered.  I went home and curled up in ball in my bed and I cried and cried and cried.  Luke took the news like a champ.  His faith in God and in His will was strong.  It made me feel weak.  Luke is really good at holding in his feelings.  I am not sure that is always a good thing.  But, we both already loved this little guy that was growing in my belly.  No matter what, we knew he was fearfully and wonderfully made!

In the weeks and months to come I heard so many things from people when they discovered the results.  There were so many things I did not want to hear and there were so many things people did that melted my heart.  I thought I would share these things with you, because unless you have been in my shoes, you would not know what hurts and what doesn’t hurt.  I do not want anyone to feel bad for having said any of these things.  I know I have said some of these things in the past.  I just want you to know for the future and the next time.

Things not to say (I included my thoughts to these statements):
1.  Everything is going to be okay.  —No, everything is not going to be okay.  You have no idea!  My world has literally been shaken!
2.  God only gives you what you can handle.  —No, I am pretty sure God just gave me more than I     could handle.
3.  I know what you are going through.  —Really!  You do?  Because I am pretty sure you did not get a child diagnosed with Down syndrome.  Just sayin!
3.  Down syndrome people are always happy.  —Wrong!  They are just like you and me!  They have   mental health problems just like the rest of the population!
4.  God gives special babies to special people.  —Yes he does, but I did not want to be one of those special people!
5.  You are strong; you can handle this.  —Nope, I am weak!  I just appear to be strong.
6.  I refuse to believe it; I will believe it when I see it.  —That hurts me like you have no idea!  Is Down syndrome that bad that you have to deny this diagnosis when I am trying so hard to accept it?
7.  He doesn’t look like he has Down syndrome.  —Better take a closer look!
8.  One more thing, please do not bring up Down syndrome.  My baby is my baby.  I do not look at him and think Down syndrome.  I look at him and think “Wow, I am so blessed to have this amazing child”.  Unfortunately, I am constantly reminded that he is different.  But, to me he is my baby! He is not my Down’s baby.

Things to say or do:
1.  How are you?  (You may have to ask this one a couple of times to get a real answer).
2.  I am available to listen if you need to talk.
3.  Is there anything I can do for you?  (Or even better, just do something out the kindness of your heart.  Take food.  Send a card.  Offer to watch the kids so the parents can go out.)
4.  Give the person a hug and let them know you are praying for them and the family.
5.  He is beautiful!  (This was the one and only thing I wanted to hear!  After delivering my Oliver, I only held him for a second before he was taken because of his congenital heart disease.  She didn’t say your baby is blue or he has signs of Down syndrome.  That wonderful nurse said he was beautiful and that he was perfect.  That is all I wanted to hear.  To know he was and is perfect.)